I keep thinking about those coloring books and the nice colored pencils, barely used, Adam had in his room. I know he was searching for peace and calm and it pains me greatly to think how he didn't find it.
Being fitted for his tux for Eli's wedding, putting down a deposit; this is more like a metal vice grip on my heart.
To make myself feel better when overwhelmed by work or life, I used to tell myself, "My real job is to make sure my children are safe and secure." I wasn't able to do that. I lost one. Adam won't get to find himself. He won't get to find his love. He won't get to find his peace.
I don't know how but somehow the hole in my heart keeps getting bigger. Sometimes I walk on the track at the Y in the evenings with tears streaming down my face. Tonight was one of those nights.
2 comments:
sending a hug from afar.
Thx made. One of my original blogger friends.
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