Sunday, August 22, 2021

A Brutiful World

 As my fabulous and brilliant niece Dawn reminded me this week, quoting Glennon Doyle, life is Brute-iful, brutal and beautiful. I can attest to this. One minute something horrible happens, the next we are laughing or gaping at the beauty in the world. 

Liz Gilbert talks about a quote by Jack Gilbert (I'm assuming her father): We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world. She says (I'm just going to quote her, since she says it best), "it doesn't deny the existence of suffering: it doesn't deny that the world is a ruthless furnace. But there is a fierce insistence on staying awake and staying afloat in the midst of that, that I go back to again and again." 

I found this passage just before starting my 8 week creativity workshop "Gifts From the Soul." It was accompanied by a picture of a nature Mandala, which I was planning to have the group make on Week 1. It was the first instance of synchronicity, a concept we explored in class as not an accidental occurrence but a divinely placed reminder of the order of the world. Yes, I just made that up. 

My most recent synchronous moment was Saturday morning yoga accompanied by Tony Bennett after Pat and I had just talked about Tony Bennett the night before. I was moved to tears at the end of yoga (possibly due to all the hip and heart openers we focused on) by a duet of Blue Velvet by Tony and k.d. lang. Yes, it was that beautiful. 

We must remain hopeful and open if we are to do any good in this world, and there is room for plenty of that. So keep your hips and hearts open, and you will find the most wonderful treasures right in front of your eyes, ears, noses, fingers, and tongues. Trust me on that. 

Friday, August 13, 2021

Visit to a Psychic

 You know when you really get your hopes up and can’t wait to do something, and then it falls short? That’s the deal with Cal’s and my reading with Vicki on July 3rd. I do want to say, though, I’m glad we went, it had some value, and we enjoyed our time together. So, if I sound negative, that was not my overall feeling.

Why were my hopes so high? Previous experience with psychics/mediums has been good or great. This woman was highly recommended by a friend of Adam’s where he came through crystal clear for her. And the setting was Gibson City, the town where Cal did his student teaching the fall after Adam’s death. His supervising teacher, Robbie, lost his brother, Adam, to suicide that Labor Day weekend. That’s too many coincidences to not have meaning. We were going to lunch with Robbie after our visit with Vicki so that was just a great topper to the day. I feel I went with a really open mind and heart.

Adam’s friend T. had told me about the gestures that Vicki channeled (she called it something else, mimicking maybe- she would say “he’s doing this” and then copy it). Vicki started our session with clutching her heart, the same thing she did for T. This was my dad who passed in 2020. Most of the session was spent there, I cynically believe because she thought that’s why we came. She asked if our maintenance lights were coming on (no), and said he had travelled with us to Gibson City that morning. She asked if we were discussing a big decision for Cal. We said no, but in retrospect it could have been that we talked about Cal getting his Master’s degree at some point in the future. She indicated my dad would weigh in on this, and he definitely would encourage that for Cal.

She described my dad as having “spunk,” not a word I would associate with him. She gestured him snapping his suspenders (a hard no, though he did wear red suspenders when dressing up). She said he was appearing about 45 years old in the prime of life and had a full head of hair, like he had lost it in his old age. Okay, this was the same scenario she told T. about her dad, minus the hair, but my dad never lost his hair. Cal and I just looked at each other like, “What??” She said he blew us a kiss (this came up for T., too) which my dad would never do. When we looked appalled she goes, “Yeah, it’s awkward for him, but he did it.” She said something about him eating a cheeseburger (not something he loved or ever really ate), and a dog. Absolutely not. My dad never had a dog, never ate a dog, and in fact hated dogs.

Next, she went on this whole thing about his mother, as if this was some special grandma to me. She said I had or would be getting something special from her.* I said probably not. She asked if I could smell her special cooking. This grandma was not a good cook, and I don’t remember anything special about her cooking except she made fudge out of mashed potatoes once.

Some things that rang true for my dad, although for most 88 year old grandfathers, yes? He was so proud of Cal and his sports (Cal was wearing sports gear), he was afraid of getting Alzheimer’s, Cal is better in sports than he was, Grandma shuffles her feet and he worries about her falling, and did I have something special in his writing? Yes, a visible tattoo. We talked about the cardinal being my dad’s sign from the other side. She said spirits don’t enter the animal but can control what they do. I told her about the cardinal in the road on Betsy’s and my way to the lake. She said he’s not very good at it yet, and he’s glad we didn’t hit it.

More spot off comments: he gestured with Popeye arms, that he would leave money in books, watch for a tree limb over the house. These were also things she told T. or pretty darn close. She said he dressed really nice and had lots of shoes. Not my dad at all.

Cal enjoyed a tangent Vicki went on about Cal and Gramps having a past life together, brothers perhaps. She felt like Cal was a Prince. She was seeing a Norse guide or something in Scandinavia. She said Dad would throw us coins. She did say Dad and Cal had a special relationship and that made him feel good. She said Gramps kept holding up two fingers together. I’ve never seen my dad do that.

Finally, after a long time she goes, “Is there anyone else you want to hear from?” after telling us in the beginning the room was full of people. We explained about our son/brother’s death by suicide. She kept seeing an Rx bottle, same as T. I endorsed that there were drugs in his system but he died by shooting himself. She said some things that I believe would be true for anyone who died by suicide, and things she thought would make us feel better. She said he called for help, but his friends blew it off. She called his friends “not stellar people” and that they gave him the “cocktail” that altered his mind and caused him to have crazy thoughts and kill himself. I have to say I was a little disturbed by this. I have come to know many of Adam’s college friends after his death and believe they are great, caring people. I don’t think any of them would try to hurt him, and I believe he made his own decisions about what to put into his body.

Vicki talked about Adam having a list of things to be accountable for. He never felt worthy. She said he was helping other spirits like him to redeem himself. This was mentioned by another psychic, and I couldn’t help but think of his friend Devin who died by overdose last year. She said he used to blame others and thought he was a disappointment. She said my dad was relieved Adam was there when he transitioned. She said Adam was a good kid who kept people at bay. He’s sorry about killing himself; it’s not what he wanted. It wasn’t planned but a chemical reaction caused by the drugs he took. She said he was soaring high, and if we see a shooting star, that’s him.

We probably shouldn’t have, but we tested her on a couple of things, and she had no clue. I’d have rather her say, “that’s not coming through” or “that’s not how this works” than to make a wrong guess, which she did. I guess that would have seemed more genuine.

Things she said to look for: something touching Cal’s hair, seeing something in Cal’s peripheral vision, Grandpa wanting Cal to get new shoes. She said he would touch my forehead while I’m sleeping (told T. a similar thing). The next day Cal reported a few happenings: he felt something in his hair (a bug), he did see movement in his peripheral vision that he never noticed before, and his friend David asked his shoe size and said he had a pair that size for Cal. I also found coins on the grass at our campsite as the family was all sitting around together talking about this. One other uncanny thing happened the week after our visit. I grabbed a clock from my mom’s house that I had been eyeing for my office. As I was driving home, I knew but suddenly realized, this was a clock that was bought in memory of dad’s mom after she died (it hung at the community theater until it recently closed and my mom brought it home), and it is inscribed with her name. I think this was the gift from my grandma Vicki was referring to. Well, that’s what I choose to believe, why else would I choose that day to take it rather than waiting until we moved back into our old office like I had originally planned.

Yeah, and why was her name Vicki, and my last name was “Vick.”