Uncle Kevin, Uncle Mike, Uncle Tim, and Uncle Chris all had special relationships with Adam, as he was the doted-on first nephew or niece in both families for about 5 years. But the deepest relationship was clearly with my sister Betsy. I think an early story illustrates this point perfectly. In 1991, when Adam was 3, my parents drove to Buffalo to visit and then take Adam back to Macomb and on to Omaha for an extended vacation. I was having some personal issues I'm not sure my family was fully aware of, but this plan would buy me some time to secure housing (I had suddenly become homeless).
On the way to Macomb (after getting several exits down the interstate and returning for "blankie"), my parents drove to Louisville, KY to visit Betsy and Chuck. I was told Adam was a bit disoriented, and in the dusky evening light, Betsy came outside to greet them, and Adam said, "You look just like my mommy." I think this cemented their closeness in his mind, as it was probably his first time away from me.
Betsy, Blankie, Adam
Over the years, their bond grew as we visited back and forth often, despite the distances. She never forgot a birthday or holiday, and made special efforts after Adam's brothers were born to single him out for attention and notice. Aunt Betsy had a special bag of dinosaurs at her house that was always the first thing Adam would ask to play with. She planned fun activities and projects to entertain him. Adam was always first even as he grew up and grew apart in many ways. Betsy always made sure to personally invite Adam home to Macomb when she visited and traveled to him if he couldn't make it if only to eat lunch, go shopping or have a short talk. Betsy is the only family member besides Calvin to have slept at Adam's apartment in Springfield, and she traveled to Springfield just last November and had lunch at one of Adam's favorite Indian restaurants.
I know Adam's death has been excruciatingly hard on her, especially as she tried to be strong for me, when her heart was breaking for the little boy she loved so well.
2 comments:
I'll always love him and I'll always be his Aunt Bet-C. Thank you, Mommy Sue! But I did fail this year, the first time I know of, to send a card to Adam on his birthday back in June. I know that in the scheme of things, that is irrelevant, but it haunts me. I'm so thankful I could see him at T-Giving, in Springfield and then at Christmas in his last months. That was a record! And for the record, Adam, I did like the Indian food--I wasn't just being nice. (One of the last things we "argued" about.)
Needing to read what you are going through to cope with my own grief and to understand how to help Kim. Feeling inadequate.
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