*break to get a cup of coffee*
You have probably wondered like I used to, how anyone could remain standing, let alone function efficiently when losing a child (or anyone close really, but especially a child of any age). I certainly did. All I can say is that something took over me (besides coffee) and I was a machine, a beast in overdrive. Decisions came quickly and easily, although I consulted Pat on almost every move.
Here are some early tips, if you will, or ways I coped:
- Keep pens everywhere and one notebook and write everything down (lists, your thoughts, feelings, ideas for thank you notes, phone calls, numbers)
- Don't even think about wearing mascara for a few months
- Dress comfortably (I wore the same cozy sweater day after long day)
- Take care of your partner, treat each other gently
- Don't feel bad if you don't cry, don't feel bad if you do cry, don't feel bad if you laugh, don't feel bad if you experience joy again. Let your emotions flow. There are no wrong responses.
- Use social media if you are comfortable doing so to say the things you wouldn't put in the newspaper. I use it to connect to my support system and to reach out to Adam's friends. I learn more about him everyday.
- Other people: Let them know it's okay to cry, even if they didn't know your loved one. I've been on that side and know how hard it is to approach a grieving person as I wrestled with my own emotions.
1 comment:
I wonder if those of us who wrestle with emotions in situations where we don't know people so well, like at a funeral for someone we don't know well...yet appear to remain more composed in the midst of our own tragedy are finding that when you are faced with it, there are so many avenues, paths for grief and surprisingly joy (like hearing things about Adam you didn't know, meeting people who cared for you didn't know etc), if all that is a giant coping mechanism because you're going to have to figure this out for the rest of your life, face it in new ways each day. If you feel sad about a loss that doesn't affect you as much personally and maybe you completely break down at a funeral or watching coverage of a terrorist act or destructive tornado, you can express that and move on--it's more of a release. Not sure what I'm saying exactly. I just haven't reacted in ways I expected. On the other hand, the deep sense of loss and underlying grief is much greater--it's not something I can put away after the funeral.
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