Today was rough. I got a sudden headache and starting vomiting about 9:30 a.m. after making pancakes for Pat and a friend I am supervising for licensure. I had to send her home and go to bed. I put in ear plugs because Pat was maniacally cleaning the house. I just let the emotions fly, pretty much wailing, and then had a good nap. Still down after getting up and doing some things, letting small things and things people say and do grind me down.
I had a 70 minute conversation with Cal about his alternative spring break to Memphis to clean up the Mississippi River. This is his third trip, second as trip leader, and this time I think it was a deeper experience as he was able to share with people who didn't know him at all, what he had recently been through. They shared with him as well, and he met a girl from Springfield who had frequented Adam's restaurant and had something of a crush on him. I honestly think this kid (Cal) (maybe the girl, too) needs to become a counselor. If teaching is what he loves, that's great, but he would also make a fantastic therapist or social worker. The field needs more men. In this conversation I was able to emote with Cal and open up to him as I have not been able to previously. I definitely began to feel better after talking and listening to him.
Friends are lifting me up through prayers and messages and making plans with me. Life goes on somehow. I posted a video to Facebook today from a young man about depression. Wishing something like that had spoken to Adam. He said there is always light in the future. I know that is true, for me at least. I can't actually be in someone else's shoes but I have to some degree. I wish there was a mechanism to stop people from making a permanent action in response to overwhelming, yet ultimately temporary, feelings.
1 comment:
Unfortunately, you have more experience now that will enable you to be a better counselor. That will allow you to help others in the future. You haven't been in their shoes exactly if they are considering suicide, but now you've been damn close. Teaching needs more men, too, and Cal will be great for young people in his capacity as a teacher as well. He could be both a counselor and teacher as well. In any case, he will do good in this world (he already has and is doing that), which will be a tribute to Adam.
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