Enough time has passed that I am getting little trigger flashbacks. Weird stuff like eating broccoli cheese soup at Subway this past weekend reminded me of coming home from Springfield that first time and eating that same thing. It's depressing. Washing a coat I wore during that time and putting it away for the winter. Riding in his car for the first time when someone wanted to test drive it.
Things that are hard: telling people about Adam that don't know. Thinking about how this weekend with my family Adam would have come home. Not buying any Peeps this year. That I lost the adult coloring book and colored pencils that I found in his room (I don't know why this bugs me so much, I think it spoke volumes for who he wanted to be). Watching the video of his pictures. Hearing songs like "How Do I Live" even though I know it's meant in a romantic sense. Remembering that Adam hated it when I cry.
Things that are not so hard: talking about Adam with people who know. Going to work and focusing on other people's problems. Finally reading a book again.
I've been stressing about financial things like doing Adam's taxes and selling his car. Really stressing. Then yesterday I thought, Adam wouldn't want me stressing about his affairs. Just chill out. And it helped.
1 comment:
Yes, I was thinking of missing Adam this weekend...when we planned to be home for Mom's birthday, that was back before we lost Adam, so I assumed I would see him. I'm glad we'll have a little more time to process this weekend before the wedding, which will also be bittersweet. Family time together will be good. On another note, Adam had conversations with Ethan where he expressed his concern that you worried too much about him or shouldered guilt about the past. He told Ethan all his experiences made him the person he was, good and bad, and that he hoped you understood that and didn't feel bad about anything in his upbringing. He said he had a good childhood when talking to Ethan. Not sure how that topic came up between them.
Post a Comment