The worst day of my life was a Tuesday. I never liked Tuesdays before that (something I noticed working in the school setting). Monday everyone is kind of in the same Debbie Downer boat, Wednesday is hump day, Thursday is Friday eve, and Friday is TGIF. What is Tuesday? Nothing but a day to get through until Wednesday arrives.
I remember lots of things about the weekend before "It" happened. One thing was I was using the phrase "Not my circus, not my monkeys" to combat stress that was caused by things and people I had no control over or had any business fussing about.
I have traced back that weekend so many times for the last contact I had with Adam, to see what I was doing, plans I was making, how I was feeling. It drives my mind crazy sometimes trying to remember everything. My OCD mind wants to have everything logged so that I feel a sense of control, when I should know I have no control over so many things.
I'm doing these things less often but the obsessions still strike me. For awhile nothing seemed truly important, and that was kind of freeing, but I am getting back to my old patterns of getting caught up in fear and stress. Trying to get that balance of what I really need to be worrying about and what I don't or can't.
Tuesday will forever remain my least favorite day of the week but I don't have to be afraid of it anymore.
1 comment:
Not being afraid is a huge step...focusing on finding balance is essential when you find yourself obsessing. One day at a time.
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