I thought I was doing fine. I was excited for and proud of Cal for his financial intelligence, organizing skills, and ebullience over finally getting out of Macomb. I wasn't even cranky with him the last few days. He took off today with a van not too full of stuff. But on the way home from work it hit me. I started bawling a couple blocks out of the parking lot. I almost caused an accident crossing Washington Street in front of an oncoming car. I remembered his first day of Kindergarten, and never having a problem with the older boys, balked at the idea of this being any kind of emotional milestone. More like wrecking ball (thank you Miley Cyrus). That day and today, the day he left for college.
Maybe it was the pressure I am putting on myself at work, which has caught the attention of my supervisor and a trusted colleague, just today, and is not assuaged by any amount of reassurance. Maybe it's menopause. Maybe I feel bad that my former co-workers are picketing 24/7 for a fair teaching contract. Full moon, Mercury in Retrograde?
Whatever the confluence of events, the empty nest is a real emotional minefield, whether or not I expected it. Luckily Eli and I are driving over tomorrow and switching vehicles. I'm looking forward to getting out of town and making sure they both have what they need in their apartments, maybe even grab a cup of coffee in a cute shop in Uptown. But right now I just want to veg out with a book and a plate of No Bake Cookies. And a box of tissues.
2 comments:
It sounds like it is a good time for your career move and putting time into that. Don't be so hard on yourself for anything. You are a superstar in so many ways, Mommy Sue. You don't have to prove it. Hang in there!
I can't even imagine how hard that empty nest thing is. I get super bummed out after our week at the cabin with the family. I hate how quiet it is when they all leave.
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