STUG

My boss warned me about this. She calls it Sudden Temporary Upsurges of Grief (STUG). After a year and a half since losing Adam, they are farther apart. In the words of a wise mother I know who lost a son, "It doesn't get easier, but you get more used it."

It's difficult to think about events of two years ago (fall 2015), when we had no idea Adam was in trouble. Here's how a mundane thought morphs into a mini-grief attack: I learned yesterday Hannah is attending the national Musicology conference this weekend in Rochester, NY. Two years ago, Hannah was at the same conference which was held in Louisville, right in Betsy's backyard. In fact, she stayed with Betsy. That was the same weekend my parents, Eli, Cal and I all traveled to Betsy's for Ethan's starring performance in Man of LaMancha. It was a really special, fun time when everyone was happy and we didn't suspect anything was wrong in the world. A mere three months later, Adam would be dead. That's how my mind goes.

October 17, 2017 was an especially hard day. I remember crying in the morning, periodically during the day, and that night. I don't know why. I wrote: I feel like Adam is being left behind by friends, work pals, even some of my own family. Today was a sad day, a down day. Sometimes just thinking of anything that happened while he was alive makes me incredibly sad.