Blogger has changed and as I mentioned last post, I don't like change very well.  I've had a few thoughts rattling around in my brain recently. One has to do with getting old, the other about my children growing up.  The third, which is not worth focusing on, about needing to be happier, not liking my attitude lately. 

Taking some laundry out of the machine the other day, I was struck by how long Boy17's baseball pants have gotten. It seems like he was the same size of baseball pants for literally 10 years, and suddenly, he has these super long baseball pants.  Now the boys are 24, 19 and 17 (almost 18). Sometimes that makes me happy, when I think about how much I wouldn't want to be changing diapers or chasing toddlers around, or even going to another school event.  I have become far too selfish and self absorbed for that. 

So, getting old.  I noticed a few telltale signs.  One day I was lying on the couch having an allergy attack, and was too lazy to get up to throw away my kleenex, when I instinctively tucked it into my sleeve.  Gasp, that's why old people go around with kleenex up their sleeve, one disgusting activity I thought I would NEVER engage in.  Well, I have.  It was almost enough to motivate me to get it up and throw it away, but not quite.  Then I noticed I have a pile of clothes in my room which are only slightly worn.  Gasp, I am wearing dirty clothes!  I even pick them up off the floor sometimes and put them on.  To top if off, I don't always wash my hair everyday.  I feel like it's just "drying out" too much. Gasp, all of this leads to me occasionally get a whiff of myself smelling like a grandparent. 

Perhaps these persistent thoughts are what is causing me to feel unhappy, negative and worthless.  I am glad I discharged them to this blog, because I was so convinced they would just make fascinating blog material. Cognitive behavioral therapy says I can just change those cognitions and be happy. Metacognition: thinking about your thinking. So that is my little goal for today.