Sunday, March 31, 2019

Grandparents are so important

The first of Adam's grandparents has passed onto another life. I'm glad I had written this letter to them last fall. Rest in peace, Grandma Colleen, Adam's biggest cheerleader. 

November 25, 2018
Dear Gary, Colleen, Richard and M. Anne,
As we move through this third holiday season without Adam, I wanted to take a moment to let you know how thankful I am that he had the four amazing grandparents that he did. Unlike the grandparents in Willy Wonka, you were all physically active in Adam’s life, but he loved you like Charlie loved his Grands! You provided comfort foods, cards, exciting travels, stories, letters, sleepovers, stimulating and open conversations, lessons in boating and linguistics, Strawberries, books, and many, many car miles.  Most of all, you doted on him and loved him like the first grandchild he was. This represents mutual Love.
The first grandchild is special, and I patiently wait my turn with your good role models in mind. I can only Hope I get to spend the quality time you did with Adam growing up. From his first weeks, until that last year, he was always up for a visit to Riverside Lakes or Cedar Drive. His last birthday was spent toasting cocktail hour with Richard while M. Anne made his birthday dinner. In October 2015 he made a special trip to Nebraska to make more memories and probably eat Elgin sausage and Italian Beef. Through the divorce, Adam always knew he had a home with either of you and it was clearly a stabilizing force for him.  This was his happy place and where he felt unbridled Joy.
I appreciate all your efforts to keep Adam’s memory alive, and share the good times and stories of his life. We are blessed to have had him 27 years. As you know I am not religious, but I am spiritual, and I know we are all going where he is sooner or later. Whoever gets there first, give that boy a big hug or a mind meld, or whatever you can for me. You may notice, I have woven the four virtues of Jesus into Adam’s life. I pray we all find Peace this Advent season and always, and that Adam is at rest, peaceful and free.

Humbly yours,
Every thing that you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form.
—Kafka and the Doll, The Pervasiveness of Loss

Friday, March 15, 2019

NH memories

It's been well over 10 years since I stepped foot on this soil. Too long. The drive into Nashua from the airport immediately reminded me of when we visited Chris when Adam was one. And other times he was here either with us or with my parents.
Then a message from my former brother-in-law. Adam's other grandma is in ICU in Nebraska. I reflexively imagined her dying and meeting Adam and all the love that would be. It was comforting, not to wish that on her in any way.

Saturday, March 09, 2019

Taking Time

I am taking some time this rainy, dreary morning to get some things done. In Adam's memory (at least in my mind) I am delivering some care packages to friends (one laid off, one lost her father). I am wearing an old hoodie of Adam's and ran across some reminders of him this morning as I was trying to finish KonMari-ing some of my closet collection (jewelry, knick knacks that have been put away for a long time, but can't be parted with, the boys hand built clay pots, Pat''s dog tags, Ethan's snow globe, that kind of thing). As you recall, I KonMari-ed my clothes a couple of weeks ago. I paired down to having no boxes in storage or need to switch out my collection for seasons. I'm so over that whole thing. I realized what a poor condition my closet is in, wallpaper falling off the walls, nails with carpet snags sticking out of the floor, clothes bar way too high to be comfortable for me. But that is a project way down on the list. We must have a new roof this spring, and I have been diligently saving for a year now, so we can pay cash.

This turned kind of stream of consciousness. Forgive me, I may have had too much coffee.