I don't know why I just put on the collection of songs I made on Spotify to remember Adam by starting with Jack Johnson's version of Imagine. Oh dear, how it puts me back to finding out the worst news of my life. This past Sunday I had more crying spells than I've had in a good long time.
I did go through all the ornaments this week and made the tree look halfway decent. I hadn't done that since Adam died. I don't think I bothered to decorate at all the first year. The second Christmas, I half-assed it.
I'm cleaning out the closet known as the "Harry Potter Closet" under the stairs to find the Christmas wrappings and get rid of some the repository of sh-- that I've thrown in there over the years. There are things I just can't throw out...the Teavana box from the last Christmas gift Adam gave me to name one. I know it's stupid, it's just a box (and a very pretty one at that and I've always been a sucker for boxes).
I keep coming back to the computer to listen to the playlist. I'm not fancy enough for a blue tooth speaker like everyone else. I'm not making good progress on the closet.
Did I mention Adam liked the song Fast Car by Tracey Chapman? I listened the heck out of that album when I was pregnant in 1987-88. It must have passed through to him. Songs like The Rip Tide had extra meaning for me after Adam's death. Rip my heart out. Which I am grateful for, for I know I loved.
Everything that you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form.
--Franz Kafka and the Pervasiveness of Loss