Thursday, June 28, 2018

Bubble Wrap

We cannot wrap ourselves in physical and emotional bubble wrap and expect to live an amazing life.

                                                                          -SVD



I saw this meme today and while riding my bike got philosophical. Sometimes my mind is racing with things I want to do, and sometimes I am slogging through the mud. No, I'm not bipolar, but aren't we all on that continuum?

That person who stays in the plastic bubble will not experience the highs that life risks can bring. Believe me when I say I am not a huge risk taker, but I'm trying to do more things that terrify me. One example is public speaking, especially about suicide. I have always enjoyed calculated thrill seeking such as motorcycle rides, roller coasters, water slides, white water rafting, that kind of thing. I have taken many emotional risks with opening myself up to sharing about Adam's suicide. This has definitely brought me rewards in the form of friendships, bonds and more connections. I can't change the fact of Adam's suicide but opening up has brought unexpected joy.

Here's to more adventures and risks in life.  In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt:

The purpose of life is to live it,
to taste experience to the utmost,
to reach eagerly and without fear
for newer and richer experience. 

Friday, June 15, 2018

Dreams vs Alternate Reality

I dreamt Adam came back again. I just want to hold onto that feeling or go back in the dream, but I also have to write it down.

I was in his bathroom and found Dulcolax drops, and then he was there, and I asked him if he used them, and he said, "Just when I need them." I told him I have a new solution. It then began to dawn on me that he had been gone.

Then we were in the kitchen and this is what transpired:

Me: We need to talk about where you were.

Adam: I have an alternate Mom and Dad.

Me: Her name is Violet...(there had been previous talk of the name or color Violet).


I know it's not much, but it gave me hope his soul is still out there and I will see him again. Maybe there is an alternate reality where he is temporarily living. Maybe death is like a really long dream.