Saturday, March 31, 2018

Easter Weekend

I'm not an Easter person, never have been. Most likely has to do with my lack of specific Christian beliefs, literal Biblical theology, distaste for commercialization and materialism of holidays, and the oddness of some people that show up to church only on this and other holy days. But why would I care??

Maybe I'm jealous because I never got a fancy Easter outfit, or a basket full of toys on Easter as a kid. Yes, we dyed Easter eggs and had chocolate, a nice family dinner and even went to church most of the time.

My favorite Easter memories are of Betsy and me scavenging in the church dumpster for palms after Palm Sunday and acting out The 10 Commandments and Pat's famous Golf Ball Hunt for our boys.

So I guess I should stay off  Facebook until next week and wish you a Grouchy Easter.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Today has been a rather weird day. I got to sleep sometime after midnight (late for me) and woke up an hour later than usual, with the time change back to daylight savings (or off daylight savings- it makes no sense to me). I just know I have been looking forward to more light in the late afternoons and evenings. Especially when I get out of work at 6:00, it is nice for some light to be in the sky again.

This time change necessitated a nappy this afternoon, and I don't actually remember my last nap. Sometime before Florida. And I am a nap addict, so that says something. I took a walk after a late nap and it was gloriously sunny out. There were crocuses poking up in some yards. I was thinking about how much more active Hannah and Eli seem to be in Florida, and I think the warmth and weather has something to do with it. I do go to the Y in the evenings during the winter, but it's so much more fun and energetic to ride a bike or walk in the evenings when it can be done outside. So, my plug for keeping the time like this year round. Or moving to Florida.

I have just finished reading a psychological thriller today (All Is Not Forgotten), and started Lincoln in the Bardo. Both kind of address the idea of what this thing called life is and the possible finality of it. I suppose that has been a human question since humans started recording their thoughts and ideas.

I don't think I can articulate this properly, but the first book has a psychiatrist narrator masterfully orchestrating a series of events around a brutal rape. He does talk about our motivations and the unknown thing called death and whether it really matters what we do here on earth. The bardo is the transitional state between life and death and this book deals with young Willie Lincoln who died at age 11 being caught here. So we shall see if this novel is as good as its recommendations.

Friday, March 09, 2018


My brain didn't get the memo from my body that it needs rest. I call it "activation" or my brain is activated. Probably the main reason is Cal wrote and shared on Facebook a song he rapped as a tribute to Adam last night. It's Adam's life from his perspective. Raw, emotional, sad, yet hopeful. Very brave of that kid to put himself out there like that. This morning he texted me back that he wouldn't have finished it if I hadn't told him to keep at and it will come when it's time. At least I think that's what I said, as I do believe creative endeavors will come to fruition if you are patient and open.

So here I am, coffee in hand, heart full of love, and enjoying the silence. A couple of other songs have touched me this week. They were both up for Academy Awards and so were performed Sunday night. One by Sufjan Stevens, that dude's music is so haunting yet heavenly. This song was featured in "Call Me By Your Name" a film I would love to see. The other was "Remember Me" from Coco, and it just brought back all the beauty, emotion, and tears from that beautiful movie. I absolutely loved that movie. I've always been fascinated with Day of the Dead and that aspect of Mexican culture. A must see for all ages. As much as I hate Disney, well, they do some things right.

Because Cal put his rap together with a collage of images (music video) which I wasn't expecting, I was quite stunned. It reminded me of the bizarre but wonderful experience of being at a group meditation and seeing Adam's life in reverse from age 27 back to his birth, like a movie. One of my all time favorite pictures Cal included is of the three boys in our bed in Lockport, snuggled under the sunflower comforter we had for many years. I think part of Cal's project is reconciling the Adam we knew with the Adam we didn't know, especially as an adult. He had a whole other life we knew nothing about, not to mention the inner turmoil we were likewise ignorant of.

Writing, music, art, whatever form gets us out of our head is super important, and gives us insight and perspective on this thing we call life, and the other thing we don't like to think about, death.