Saturday, June 16, 2012

SIU Visit

When did my little Momma's boy who followed me from room to room and put his arms around my neck and wouldn't let go turn into the 5'11" and growing surly young man who is old enough to go on a college visit?
After driving five hours we arrived in Carbondale and the good people there gave us some sage advice: most of the motels in Carbondale are, how can I say this, temporary crack houses, or places you take your new ‘friend’ for a few hours. I asked a biker guy if he thought the Comfort Inn would have bed bugs and he replied, “Pretty much anywhere in town you’re gonna have a problem with critters.” Oh great. He directed us to where he thought we were going on the East side of town, and turns out the Comfort Inn is only 19 months old, not long enough to get bed bugs, right? I checked just in case, though it was really, really nice and clean.
After dinner at Panera and noticing the maroon polos and SIU license plates, we lucked onto campus by accident. We heard music and saw people flooding towards center of the university with coolers. We got out and walked along, noticing open alcohol all around, amidst the families, students and elder community people. The full moon was out, a band from Chicago was set to take the outdoor stage and we decided to head on over to the new football stadium.
Two guys were hosing off some dirt in front of the stadium and said we could go on in. Later I talked with the night shift worker and he was an honest to goodness good guy. How easy for him to make a good impression of the school and town of Carbondale, as being somewhere I would send my son. The turf stadium with box suites was really nice and we were directed over to the basketball arena across the parking lot. Both beat the pants off what WIU has for athletic facilities.
Blogger has changed and as I mentioned last post, I don't like change very well.  I've had a few thoughts rattling around in my brain recently. One has to do with getting old, the other about my children growing up.  The third, which is not worth focusing on, about needing to be happier, not liking my attitude lately. 

Taking some laundry out of the machine the other day, I was struck by how long Boy17's baseball pants have gotten. It seems like he was the same size of baseball pants for literally 10 years, and suddenly, he has these super long baseball pants.  Now the boys are 24, 19 and 17 (almost 18). Sometimes that makes me happy, when I think about how much I wouldn't want to be changing diapers or chasing toddlers around, or even going to another school event.  I have become far too selfish and self absorbed for that. 

So, getting old.  I noticed a few telltale signs.  One day I was lying on the couch having an allergy attack, and was too lazy to get up to throw away my kleenex, when I instinctively tucked it into my sleeve.  Gasp, that's why old people go around with kleenex up their sleeve, one disgusting activity I thought I would NEVER engage in.  Well, I have.  It was almost enough to motivate me to get it up and throw it away, but not quite.  Then I noticed I have a pile of clothes in my room which are only slightly worn.  Gasp, I am wearing dirty clothes!  I even pick them up off the floor sometimes and put them on.  To top if off, I don't always wash my hair everyday.  I feel like it's just "drying out" too much. Gasp, all of this leads to me occasionally get a whiff of myself smelling like a grandparent. 

Perhaps these persistent thoughts are what is causing me to feel unhappy, negative and worthless.  I am glad I discharged them to this blog, because I was so convinced they would just make fascinating blog material. Cognitive behavioral therapy says I can just change those cognitions and be happy. Metacognition: thinking about your thinking. So that is my little goal for today.